omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
