I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
