well I can't set my house on fire every night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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