everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
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Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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