Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
