i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
