I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
