I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This baby is an asshole
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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