she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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