I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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