Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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