we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
