Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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