Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
