Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
