Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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