I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
