Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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