Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
