Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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