went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
