You made me cry and you don't even care
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
