I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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