Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
