My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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