people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
