If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
