You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
