I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
