Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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