So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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