Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he just fucked me for my cheese.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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