Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
