my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
