I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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