Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
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Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
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woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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