you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
