i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
