So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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