...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
