It's like God shit irony all over that family
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
