Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
