I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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