My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
should my penis look like a turkey
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
