I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
