i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You ruined the universe
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
