Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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