i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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