**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
