just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
