I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
