so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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