Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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