So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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