just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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