apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
