it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
