Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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