as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize