There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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