You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
