I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
