I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
