new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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